Dearest Littles,
This week was so busy and pretty rough as far as parenting goes. Your dad is out of the country, it was Halloween, and I pretty much over-committed my schedule. We had a few days with sick ones, quite a few crying episodes (by kids AND Mom), attitude from more than one of you on numerous occasions, and more than one morning where we had to eat breakfast in the car on the way to school.
During weeks like this, when I feel like I don't have any energy to give to you and the only tangible, seen energy you see exerted is me disciplining you, I wonder what kind of impression I'm leaving. Are you seeing a mom that only has time for her commitments outside of the home? Do you see me frustrated and harried and too tired to care? Do you feel like you're put last?
On Thursday night I decided to fix dinner, knowing that I was choosing a healthier dinner option than what I wanted to choose. McDonald's would have been WAY easier, but I'd already done that AND pizza this week. So, I was standing in front of the pot on the stove cooking dinner for us and another family in need wondering if my hard work this week had even been noticed. Sure, yeah, yeah, God sees it and that's what's important, but sometimes a pat on the back from a human feels really good. Then, something amazing happened......
Silas, sitting at the table playing, looked at me and said, "Mom, I don't know how you do it. You're amazing." After my heart melted and I picked my jaw up from the ground, all I could say was, "Thank you, Silas." But my heart was singing and I was taught in that moment that you guys DO see all the little things. You may not always express it, or even see it in the moment, but eventually your eyes are opened to the care given and sacrifices made and you're grateful.
When I started thinking about this, I realized that, in the same way, I often go through life just siphoning God's goodness without a trace of gratitude. How can I expect you to be grateful for all the small, seemingly insignificant things that I do, if I don't even take the time regularly to recognize God's provision, grace, justice, and love? And how much greater are these beautiful gifts from the Father than the puny attempts at love made on my part?
I want to make a concerted effort to verbalize God's goodness to us. Not just as an example to you, but as a reminder to my heart that I'm blessed beyond measure. I need to express my gratitude for His extreme generosity and voice my appreciation for the seemingly small (yet enormously huge) gifts that flow freely from His heart.
Thank you, Silas, for your kind words that reminded me that I am making a difference. But your beautiful words, more importantly, opened my heart to this lesson on gratitude.
SO much love,
Mom
