Dearest Littles,
This week was so busy and pretty rough as far as parenting goes. Your dad is out of the country, it was Halloween, and I pretty much over-committed my schedule. We had a few days with sick ones, quite a few crying episodes (by kids AND Mom), attitude from more than one of you on numerous occasions, and more than one morning where we had to eat breakfast in the car on the way to school.
During weeks like this, when I feel like I don't have any energy to give to you and the only tangible, seen energy you see exerted is me disciplining you, I wonder what kind of impression I'm leaving. Are you seeing a mom that only has time for her commitments outside of the home? Do you see me frustrated and harried and too tired to care? Do you feel like you're put last?
On Thursday night I decided to fix dinner, knowing that I was choosing a healthier dinner option than what I wanted to choose. McDonald's would have been WAY easier, but I'd already done that AND pizza this week. So, I was standing in front of the pot on the stove cooking dinner for us and another family in need wondering if my hard work this week had even been noticed. Sure, yeah, yeah, God sees it and that's what's important, but sometimes a pat on the back from a human feels really good. Then, something amazing happened......
Silas, sitting at the table playing, looked at me and said, "Mom, I don't know how you do it. You're amazing." After my heart melted and I picked my jaw up from the ground, all I could say was, "Thank you, Silas." But my heart was singing and I was taught in that moment that you guys DO see all the little things. You may not always express it, or even see it in the moment, but eventually your eyes are opened to the care given and sacrifices made and you're grateful.
When I started thinking about this, I realized that, in the same way, I often go through life just siphoning God's goodness without a trace of gratitude. How can I expect you to be grateful for all the small, seemingly insignificant things that I do, if I don't even take the time regularly to recognize God's provision, grace, justice, and love? And how much greater are these beautiful gifts from the Father than the puny attempts at love made on my part?
I want to make a concerted effort to verbalize God's goodness to us. Not just as an example to you, but as a reminder to my heart that I'm blessed beyond measure. I need to express my gratitude for His extreme generosity and voice my appreciation for the seemingly small (yet enormously huge) gifts that flow freely from His heart.
Thank you, Silas, for your kind words that reminded me that I am making a difference. But your beautiful words, more importantly, opened my heart to this lesson on gratitude.
SO much love,
Mom
Saturday, November 3, 2012
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
fun looks like...
Dearest Littles,
I just read something in an article online and it got me thinking. The quote is this:
I have a hard time doing this. Often, I get so overwhelmed with everything that I have to do. I have bills to pay, laundry to do, homework to sign, work to finish, meals to cook, faces to scrub, and beds to make (kidding, we know I don't make beds). This is my reality. These are the things that have to be done every day for life to continue to flow in our house. And quite honestly, to me, none of it is fun. I'd rather take off and drive 6 hours to the beach, schedule a night out with my friends, go to a party and sing karaoke. THAT sounds fun. Here's the problem: That all ends. Every bit of it is temporary.
When I constantly look forward to fun opportunities, I lose connection to what's going on around me at any given moment. When we're running around in the morning searching for matching socks, I'm not engaging in the opportunity in front of me to be a helper to you. Instead, I'm yelling, "All I ever do around here is look for things, because NO ONE ELSE can find anything EVER!" How different would that moment be for all of us if I stopped for one second, took a deep breath and said, "Alright, let's have a race to see who can find Hope's Tuesday sock the fastest. GO!" The sock gets found either way, but if we step into the latter way of doing it, everyone in the house has the opportunity to be the hero and no one leaves the situation feeling shame about being disorganized. (Including me.)
This letter isn't just about turning everything in life into a game, because, honestly, life is full of some really hard stuff that shouldn't be taken lightly. But what I'm trying to communicate is that it's important for us be fully present in every moment. Think about how we're feeling in any given situation. When Hope says that she can't find her sock how does that make me feel? I feel frustrated because that's going to put us a few minutes behind schedule. I feel anger that I can't just spend the morning finding my own clothes and fixing my own hair. I feel shame because I think that if I were a good mom then socks would be perfectly lined up in your drawers every Sunday night awaiting the week ahead.
So once I've identified those emotions, I can work through them. Like this:
Frustration.
If we're a few minutes late to school, I just sign you in and it's not the end of the world. You'll still learn what need to learn that day.
Anger.
I am a mom and, once my children wake up, my mornings are not my own. I can either deal with interruptions or choose to wake up earlier than my kids so I can be completely ready for my day and able to focus on only them. Either way, it's a choice.
Shame.
Perfectly lined up socks are not an indicator of a good mom. Whether socks are clean or dirty, have I demonstrated love to my children? We can live without socks, we cannot live without love.
Once I've worked through all of that, I have the opportunity to find socks without harsh words. Whether I choose to make finding the sock a game or not, I've opened myself up to the possibility of laughter and fun for the rest of the day by getting rid of all the negative thoughts and words floating around in my head and spewing from my mouth. I can find joy in the fact that we have enough laundry for a sock to get lost in. I can look you guys in the eyes and say, "I love you" and not question whether my actions are speaking as clearly as my words.
So, I want you to hear that I LOVE YOU. I will not do this perfectly. There will still be mornings that I lose my cool when things don't go as planned (or when we don't have a plan). But I'll be trying harder to engage fully while pouring cereal, tying shoes, or convincing you to just wear flip-flops.
SO much love,
Mom
I just read something in an article online and it got me thinking. The quote is this:
Fun is not escaping from reality
—it’s entering in more fully.
-Adam and Christine Jeskesource http://www.relevantmagazine.com/god/practical-faith/biblical-basis-fun
I have a hard time doing this. Often, I get so overwhelmed with everything that I have to do. I have bills to pay, laundry to do, homework to sign, work to finish, meals to cook, faces to scrub, and beds to make (kidding, we know I don't make beds). This is my reality. These are the things that have to be done every day for life to continue to flow in our house. And quite honestly, to me, none of it is fun. I'd rather take off and drive 6 hours to the beach, schedule a night out with my friends, go to a party and sing karaoke. THAT sounds fun. Here's the problem: That all ends. Every bit of it is temporary.
When I constantly look forward to fun opportunities, I lose connection to what's going on around me at any given moment. When we're running around in the morning searching for matching socks, I'm not engaging in the opportunity in front of me to be a helper to you. Instead, I'm yelling, "All I ever do around here is look for things, because NO ONE ELSE can find anything EVER!" How different would that moment be for all of us if I stopped for one second, took a deep breath and said, "Alright, let's have a race to see who can find Hope's Tuesday sock the fastest. GO!" The sock gets found either way, but if we step into the latter way of doing it, everyone in the house has the opportunity to be the hero and no one leaves the situation feeling shame about being disorganized. (Including me.)
This letter isn't just about turning everything in life into a game, because, honestly, life is full of some really hard stuff that shouldn't be taken lightly. But what I'm trying to communicate is that it's important for us be fully present in every moment. Think about how we're feeling in any given situation. When Hope says that she can't find her sock how does that make me feel? I feel frustrated because that's going to put us a few minutes behind schedule. I feel anger that I can't just spend the morning finding my own clothes and fixing my own hair. I feel shame because I think that if I were a good mom then socks would be perfectly lined up in your drawers every Sunday night awaiting the week ahead.
So once I've identified those emotions, I can work through them. Like this:
Frustration.
If we're a few minutes late to school, I just sign you in and it's not the end of the world. You'll still learn what need to learn that day.
Anger.
I am a mom and, once my children wake up, my mornings are not my own. I can either deal with interruptions or choose to wake up earlier than my kids so I can be completely ready for my day and able to focus on only them. Either way, it's a choice.
Shame.
Perfectly lined up socks are not an indicator of a good mom. Whether socks are clean or dirty, have I demonstrated love to my children? We can live without socks, we cannot live without love.
Once I've worked through all of that, I have the opportunity to find socks without harsh words. Whether I choose to make finding the sock a game or not, I've opened myself up to the possibility of laughter and fun for the rest of the day by getting rid of all the negative thoughts and words floating around in my head and spewing from my mouth. I can find joy in the fact that we have enough laundry for a sock to get lost in. I can look you guys in the eyes and say, "I love you" and not question whether my actions are speaking as clearly as my words.
So, I want you to hear that I LOVE YOU. I will not do this perfectly. There will still be mornings that I lose my cool when things don't go as planned (or when we don't have a plan). But I'll be trying harder to engage fully while pouring cereal, tying shoes, or convincing you to just wear flip-flops.
SO much love,
Mom
Saturday, September 15, 2012
a burger tree
Dearest Littles,
While we were taking our lunch break, Josiah picked off 4 or 5 sesame seeds from his hamburger bun. He reached out and matter-of-factly informed me that he was going to plant them and grow a burger tree. It didn't even take 5 seconds for him to read my face before he said, "Can that happen?"
I love all of the possibility that floats around in your heads. I miss that part of childhood before you know what all the limits are. When sesame seeds can grow burger trees and jumping far enough out of a swing can send you into orbit.
Hold onto all those beautiful possibilities. Some limits may be true. (Josiah, you can't grow a burger tree.) But SO many possibilities are just that; possible! Don't let anyone put limits on who you can become. Stay focused on the dreams that move you forward. Practice all the things that make you better. And work your hardest to close the gap between possibility and reality.
Shoot, forget what I said before....Josiah, go grow a burger tree!
SO much love,
Mom
the reason
Dearest Littles,
Do you know how sometimes you know you're supposed to do something but it's just SO HARD to remember? Or, sometimes, you remember, but you want to do just "one more thing" before you move on to the supposed-to thing. And then once you do that "one more thing" you decide to not do what you're supposed to because you feel like maybe you won't do it perfectly or consistently. Or maybe you feel like you can't even do it (at a minimum) adequately.
I do that a lot.
I do it in more areas of my life than I want to admit.
Like, sometimes, when I know I need to be getting dressed to go to work, I choose to get on Facebook or Pinterest and waste 20 minutes of my morning learning that your cousin Leila pushed a baby doll stroller around the house with Jaq in it. Or I end up looking at beautiful cupcakes I know I can make, wish I would make, but ultimately never will make. When it's stuff like that, I guess it's not that big of a deal. I mean, I lose 20 precious minutes of my morning so then I'm MUCH more frustrated when my jeans won't zip up. But in the grand scheme of life there's very little consequence.
This blog is something that I know I need to do. It's also something that I've been forgetting to do, or sending to the bottom of my to-do list when I do remember for fear that it won't be a beautiful thing. That can't happen anymore. This is too important. Too consequential. It is something I MUST do.
This blog is going to help me focus on the beautiful things you show me every day. It will give me a place to document the amazing things you say and the hilarious things you do. It will provide a way for me to communicate to you all of the things that I have a hard time saying to your face. We can look back on the words written and remember all of the times we shared laughing and crying and screaming and apologizing and trying. Just trying. We can never stop doing that. Trying to move forward. Be better. Love more. Give more. Be selfish less. Be selfless.
For me, this blog is just that. It's me trying. It's my attempt at moving forward and striving to be better. Through your stories, the four of you teach me how to love and how to give more of myself every day. You are amazing little people who will one day be amazing big people. And I get to be in the front row to watch everything that shapes you into who God wants you to be!
SO much love,
Mom
Do you know how sometimes you know you're supposed to do something but it's just SO HARD to remember? Or, sometimes, you remember, but you want to do just "one more thing" before you move on to the supposed-to thing. And then once you do that "one more thing" you decide to not do what you're supposed to because you feel like maybe you won't do it perfectly or consistently. Or maybe you feel like you can't even do it (at a minimum) adequately.
I do that a lot.
I do it in more areas of my life than I want to admit.
Like, sometimes, when I know I need to be getting dressed to go to work, I choose to get on Facebook or Pinterest and waste 20 minutes of my morning learning that your cousin Leila pushed a baby doll stroller around the house with Jaq in it. Or I end up looking at beautiful cupcakes I know I can make, wish I would make, but ultimately never will make. When it's stuff like that, I guess it's not that big of a deal. I mean, I lose 20 precious minutes of my morning so then I'm MUCH more frustrated when my jeans won't zip up. But in the grand scheme of life there's very little consequence.
This blog is something that I know I need to do. It's also something that I've been forgetting to do, or sending to the bottom of my to-do list when I do remember for fear that it won't be a beautiful thing. That can't happen anymore. This is too important. Too consequential. It is something I MUST do.
This blog is going to help me focus on the beautiful things you show me every day. It will give me a place to document the amazing things you say and the hilarious things you do. It will provide a way for me to communicate to you all of the things that I have a hard time saying to your face. We can look back on the words written and remember all of the times we shared laughing and crying and screaming and apologizing and trying. Just trying. We can never stop doing that. Trying to move forward. Be better. Love more. Give more. Be selfish less. Be selfless.
For me, this blog is just that. It's me trying. It's my attempt at moving forward and striving to be better. Through your stories, the four of you teach me how to love and how to give more of myself every day. You are amazing little people who will one day be amazing big people. And I get to be in the front row to watch everything that shapes you into who God wants you to be!
SO much love,
Mom
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