the reason

Dearest Littles,

Do you know how sometimes you know you're supposed to do something but it's just SO HARD to remember?  Or, sometimes, you remember, but you want to do just "one more thing" before you move on to the supposed-to thing.  And then once you do that "one more thing" you decide to not do what you're supposed to because you feel like maybe you won't do it perfectly or consistently.  Or maybe you feel like you can't even do it (at a minimum) adequately.

I do that a lot.
I do it in more areas of my life than I want to admit.

Like, sometimes, when I know I need to be getting dressed to go to work, I choose to get on Facebook or Pinterest and waste 20 minutes of my morning learning that your cousin Leila pushed a baby doll stroller around the house with Jaq in it. Or I end up looking at beautiful cupcakes I know I can make, wish I would make, but ultimately never will make.  When it's stuff like that, I guess it's not that big of a deal.  I mean, I lose 20 precious minutes of my morning so then I'm MUCH more frustrated when my jeans won't zip up. But in the grand scheme of life there's very little consequence.

This blog is something that I know I need to do.  It's also something that I've been forgetting to do, or sending to the bottom of my to-do list when I do remember for fear that it won't be a beautiful thing.  That can't happen anymore.  This is too important.  Too consequential.  It is something I MUST do.

This blog is going to help me focus on the beautiful things you show me every day.  It will give me a place to document the amazing things you say and the hilarious things you do.  It will provide a way for me to communicate to you all of the things that I have a hard time saying to your face.  We can look back on the words written and remember all of the times we shared laughing and crying and screaming and apologizing and trying.  Just trying.  We can never stop doing that.  Trying to move forward.  Be better.  Love more.  Give more.  Be selfish less.  Be selfless.

For me, this blog is just that.  It's me trying.  It's my attempt at moving forward and striving to be better.  Through your stories, the four of you teach me how to love and how to give more of myself every day.  You are amazing little people who will one day be amazing big people.  And I get to be in the front row to watch everything that shapes you into who God wants you to be!

SO much love,
Mom