I just read something in an article online and it got me thinking. The quote is this:
Fun is not escaping from reality
—it’s entering in more fully.
-Adam and Christine Jeskesource http://www.relevantmagazine.com/god/practical-faith/biblical-basis-fun
I have a hard time doing this. Often, I get so overwhelmed with everything that I have to do. I have bills to pay, laundry to do, homework to sign, work to finish, meals to cook, faces to scrub, and beds to make (kidding, we know I don't make beds). This is my reality. These are the things that have to be done every day for life to continue to flow in our house. And quite honestly, to me, none of it is fun. I'd rather take off and drive 6 hours to the beach, schedule a night out with my friends, go to a party and sing karaoke. THAT sounds fun. Here's the problem: That all ends. Every bit of it is temporary.
When I constantly look forward to fun opportunities, I lose connection to what's going on around me at any given moment. When we're running around in the morning searching for matching socks, I'm not engaging in the opportunity in front of me to be a helper to you. Instead, I'm yelling, "All I ever do around here is look for things, because NO ONE ELSE can find anything EVER!" How different would that moment be for all of us if I stopped for one second, took a deep breath and said, "Alright, let's have a race to see who can find Hope's Tuesday sock the fastest. GO!" The sock gets found either way, but if we step into the latter way of doing it, everyone in the house has the opportunity to be the hero and no one leaves the situation feeling shame about being disorganized. (Including me.)
This letter isn't just about turning everything in life into a game, because, honestly, life is full of some really hard stuff that shouldn't be taken lightly. But what I'm trying to communicate is that it's important for us be fully present in every moment. Think about how we're feeling in any given situation. When Hope says that she can't find her sock how does that make me feel? I feel frustrated because that's going to put us a few minutes behind schedule. I feel anger that I can't just spend the morning finding my own clothes and fixing my own hair. I feel shame because I think that if I were a good mom then socks would be perfectly lined up in your drawers every Sunday night awaiting the week ahead.
So once I've identified those emotions, I can work through them. Like this:
Frustration.
If we're a few minutes late to school, I just sign you in and it's not the end of the world. You'll still learn what need to learn that day.
Anger.
I am a mom and, once my children wake up, my mornings are not my own. I can either deal with interruptions or choose to wake up earlier than my kids so I can be completely ready for my day and able to focus on only them. Either way, it's a choice.
Shame.
Perfectly lined up socks are not an indicator of a good mom. Whether socks are clean or dirty, have I demonstrated love to my children? We can live without socks, we cannot live without love.
Once I've worked through all of that, I have the opportunity to find socks without harsh words. Whether I choose to make finding the sock a game or not, I've opened myself up to the possibility of laughter and fun for the rest of the day by getting rid of all the negative thoughts and words floating around in my head and spewing from my mouth. I can find joy in the fact that we have enough laundry for a sock to get lost in. I can look you guys in the eyes and say, "I love you" and not question whether my actions are speaking as clearly as my words.
So, I want you to hear that I LOVE YOU. I will not do this perfectly. There will still be mornings that I lose my cool when things don't go as planned (or when we don't have a plan). But I'll be trying harder to engage fully while pouring cereal, tying shoes, or convincing you to just wear flip-flops.
SO much love,
Mom
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